Friday, March 4, 2011

Spring Cleaning

It’s time for spring cleaning at our house and this will undoubtedly mean exciting discoveries. There will likely be several dollars worth of change, a dozen or so fuzzy teaspoons, batteries (we are always out of batteries, no matter how recently they’ve been bought) and a never-ending parade of pens and pencils, something else that we are also always out of . Phone messages in our house are generally written in barely visible “mac and cheese” colored crayons on the backs of envelopes or the already over-doodled phonebook.

Another remarkable aspect of spring cleaning is that you discover things about your children that you weren’t aware of and long burning questions are answered. For example, you never knew that they willingly ate fruits and vegetables. The evidence that they did generally comes in the form of the very black, very dry banana peels and ancient orange skins that were thrown behind the couch weeks or months before. Partially consumed apples are also in evidence and, once, a rather large remnant of steamed broccoli. You also understand why your dental bills are so high when you spy the incredible mountain of candy wrappers – Airheads, Kit Kat, Now and Later, Mike and Ike - the list of confectionary delights is neverending. And who thinks that it’s a good idea to put half-eaten Jolly Rancher’s under the cushions?

Annoyingly, you will also find those DVD player remotes you spent weeks searching for. Annoyingly because just the day before you gave the DVD player to Goodwill thinking you’d never find those @$#!% remotes anyway.

What you won’t find is that $100 bill you lost a few years ago. I know, because I’ve looked everywhere. Even in the furniture we didn’t own at the time. It’s $100 after all! You will also not find the many socks that are missing mates or your wife’s emerald and diamond engagement ring (you shouldn’t have made her mad!).

Looking at this list you probably think we’ve made some great headway, perhaps cleaning an entire room! Sadly, you’d be mistaken. We just cleaned in and around the couch.

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